One of the things that most people hate the most in life is change. Any change can be hard, but especially leaving a long term relationship and marriage. Moving on is hard, but usually what we need to live a more fulfilling life. Divorce Attorney Leslie Montanile spoke with us to give a few tips for those who are starting their new journey in life.
1. Envision your life as you want to live it
Seeing what your life can look like in your mind can help you plan for the future you may have been dreaming about for some time. Writing down your dreams, desires, and goals for your life in a journal will allow you to explore yourself and dig deeper into what makes you tick and ultimately make you happy for your life – your purpose.
2. Make a plan for getting what you want
Once you are clear on your purpose for your new life achieving those goals can seem like a daunting task. Creating a plan, like a road map, will enable you to take one step at a time – one day at a time- to get you where you want to go. Your plan should include where and how you want to live, your financial picture, career goals, and social interests. Defining each of these in writing will give you the ability to take steps towards creating your new life. For example, when you understand your finances, savings, earnings, credit, retirement, etc…, it will help you decide how you want to live (buying vs. renting) and where you want to live (city, suburbs, farm, beach, lake or mountains. It will also give you security, knowing what you have exactly and what you are comfortable living with. Social interests are vital as it encompasses your life outside of work. When rebuilding your life, you want to include those things that bring you joy from daily living.
3. Learn from others
Whether you are starting a new career, learning a new craft, or delving into a new social arena, be open to learning from others. Specifically from those that have been there before and or have the expertise to teach you something new or help you have a deeper understanding of something you already knew. Networking groups, exercise classes (in the gym and outside), card clubs, cooking classes, book clubs, knitting – whatever moves you there is a pretty good chance there is a group out there that you can join to learn or enhance your skills while making a new friend and contacts all at the same time.
4. Change your daily routine
To truly move on from your old life prior to divorce, changing your daily routine is a must. Every week change something old to something new. Take a different route home. Exercise at night if you used to in the morning. Change your bank or location. Try a new supermarket for your groceries. Try a new nail salon or go with colors you would never have used before, its only paint. Explore what is around you. Say yes to all the things you said no to in the past for all the wrong reasons. Skip the excuses and embrace the new you.
5. Create a contract with yourself
It’s your life, and if you agree with yourself, in writing, what you will set out to achieve and take those steps to get there, you will succeed. Even if the path leads you down a road less traveled or not anticipated, you will move towards that life goal that you set for yourself if you hold yourself accountable for your personal happiness and success.
LESLIE MONTANILE began practicing matrimonial law in 1992 in Los Angeles, California. Working in a prestigious boutique law firm she worked closely with clients to successfully achieve their desired goals and immediate needs. Upon moving back to her native home in New York and working at NBC between 1997-1999, Montanile decided in January of 2000 to open her own law practice and dedicate her legal career to helping women effectively navigate the process of divorce and achieve independent financial success. Montanile received her law degree from the Benjamin N. Cardozo School of Law in New York City, and is admitted to practice before the Courts of the State of New York, California and Connecticut. She is a member of the Family Law Section of the New York State Bar Association, the Westchester Women’s Bar Association, a Woman’s NYC mastermind group and both the California and Connecticut Bar Associations. She has made guest appearances on Women’s Radio network and morning show, Connecticut 1 speaking about women’s issues that occur before, during and after a divorce. Her work has also been referenced in Westchester Magazine and Inside Westchester.