Written by Dominique Bancey- Dominique Bancey is the writer of our new column The Thought Banc, where she writes on all things mental health and black culture.
This topic of failing relationships have always intrigued me and honestly, believe me when I say that this definitely will not be the last time I talk about it.
First off, let me begin by saying that these are strictly my opinions, they aren’t facts. It’s what I believe based on observations and experiences.
It seems to be quite a common thing for many persons in this generation to have trust issues, but the issue with this is that they actually allow it to ruin their relationships. They get into one relationship, that person breaks they trust, then they get into another relationship and they refuse to trust (or completely trust) their partner, because they assume that they’ll break it. Yes past relationships are lessons and they teach you what to do or not to do, but at the same time, you can’t treat your current partner like your ex. You might as well be dating your ex again.
Not wanting your partner to have friends or to go out with anyone because you fear they’ll ‘find somebody better’ is something I hear way too often. Being in a relationship doesn’t stop the both of you from being your own individual selves, it just brings the both of you together. Therefore, both of you are allowed to continue to do your own things (as long as it won’t hurt your partner or the relationship). This also ties in with trust.
There are many other things to be mentioned but let me just share this.
I’ve cheated before in past relationships. I moved on. Got into a new relationship. Told this person everything (about the cheating and all). Then… They used it against me.
Well, they told me that because I’ve cheated they have more of a reason not to trust me because I’ll probably do it again.
I don’t agree with the whole ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’ statement. I know for a fact that I was a different person with a totally different mindset when I did cheat, so I didn’t think this was fair to me at all.
In the end, we didn’t even work out.
And, I didn’t cheat.
Until next time.