Signs of a Pathological Liar

Written By Salina Jivani of “The Great Word Nerd” Blog

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From the time we’re wee young, we’re taught to never, ever, ever tell a lie. But let’s just be truthful (yes, pun intended), shall we? We all lie. It’s human nature. We’re preprogrammed that way. You lie when you swear to your sixty-year old aunt that no, she’s doesn’t look a day older than forty-three and yes, her meatloaf’s the absolute best, even better than your mom’s. We lie to our moms saying that no, Aunt Bertha didn’t ask a single question about her looks and never claimed her meatloaf stood a flying chance against hers. We lie to our kids when we tell them Santa exists and that the tooth fairy waits hand and foot for their cavity-laden teeth to fall out. And we even lie to ourselves, saying that the little fib we told our best friend was really in innocence. Catching yourself or someone else in a fib every once in a while is expected and, to a certain degree, okay. But when those once-in-a-blue-moon lies turn into something more habitual, there’s something to be concerned about. Weighty lies can tear relationships apart and do a lot more damage than good. And when lying becomes a part of someone’s character, it doesn’t take long for loved ones or friends to begin questioning them. More importantly, it may indicate that that person may be exhibiting signs of a pathological liar.

What is a pathological liar?

A pathological liar, also known as a compulsive liar, is someone who constantly lies out of habit. They focus on even the smallest, most insignificant incidents and turn them into lies. In fact, they’re so used to lying on a regular basis that telling the truth becomes a discomfort, while lying feels natural. (Pathological liars are not to be mistaken with sociopaths, who are calculated liars who hope to benefit something from their lies.)

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Personality traits of a pathological liar

When confronted about a lie, pathological liars may lash out. Usually they lie so skillfully that you may even begin to question the truth, but don’t be fooled. As stated earlier, sometimes these individuals don’t even realize they’re lying and often they start to believe their own lies to be the truth. The lashing out can also be a defense mechanism. Here are some other common attributes of pathological liars:

  • Selfishness
  • Obsessive, compulsive behaviors
  • Uncomfortable, isolated or awkward in social settings
  • Low self esteem
  • Disregard for how their lies affect other people’s feelings

Why should this be taken seriously?

Though it’s not classified as a mental disorder, pathological lying may often clue in to a much larger, more serious underlying mental issue, including obsessive compulsive disorder, narcissism, and antisocial personality disorder. Some pathological liars are aware they have an issue, and others don’t believe it until someone points it out to them, often on more than a solitary instance. It’s common for those who realize they have a problem to feel ashamed of themselves, but even then compulsive or pathological liars don’t know how to put an end to this habit. To them, lying is as natural as it for other people to speak the truth.

How to deal with a pathological liar

Unfortunately many pathological liars aren’t able to maintain strong or fruitful relationships. Eventually, their lies are detected, they are confronted and many times they lose out on great partners.

If you’re in a new relationship with someone who you think might be a pathological liar, consider ending the relationship before you’re too heavily involved.

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If you’re already in a serious relationship, the first step is to decide whether you’re willing to endure the frustrations and sacrifice the time and effort that’s required in maintaining relationships with a pathological liar. If the answer is no, be strong and break it off. You’ll thank yourself later.

If you’re in too deep, have been in the relationship too long or have kids together and choose to stay, prepare yourself for what’s sure to be a long, arduous journey. The lying will not vanish overnight, if ever.

Second, you must help the individual realize that they have an issue. Sometimes pathological liars don’t know they’re lying. Or they lie so convincingly, that they themselves believe the lie to be the truth. Providing evidence of such lies, talking calmly with the person and helping them realize you’re there to help are a few of the things you can do to unveil the issue and show your support.

Once the person accepts they have an issue, he or she should consult a therapist, either alone or with you.

There’s no evidence that this condition can ever be cured, even after the person seeks professional help. Living with someone who has these tendencies is not easy and requires a lot of patience and even self-sacrifice; however, if remaining in the relationship is the only option for you, continue to offer help, do a web search to find local support groups, and be there the best you can. But in the process of being supportive, don’t lose sight of yourself and your needs. Because to successfully care for someone else, you must care for yourself first.

3 of Georgia’s Best Last-Minute, Romantic Getaways

Written By Salina Jivani of “The Great Word Nerd” blog

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If you’re anything like me, you live for the summer. It’s that time of year everyone looks forward to jetting away to those exotic vacations that have been in the works forever. And of course the summer months are popular for wedding anniversaries, so maybe you’re even planning something special to celebrate your union. Or perhaps the two of you are just looking to enjoy some alone time (if you’re lucky to catch a break from the endless family barbecues, reunions and weddings) to snag a last-minute getaway without spending a truck load of money on plane tickets. And if that’s the case, you don’t have to venture very far. The Peach State has got plenty of places that boast romantic ambiance. Here’s our list of the top three:   

Chateau Elan

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Yes, we couldn’t leave it off. Probably amongst the most reputed and famous getaways for couples, Chateau Elan has earned its worth. And you’ll know why when you see this spectacular resort with its magnificent entrance, romantic vineyards, rolling-green golf course, luxurious rooms and mesmerizing interior. Of course the luxury comes at a price, but it’s still better than paying for last-minute plane tickets! Depending on just how much you’re willing to dish out, you can choose from several packages, which fall into one of four categories. Whether it’s a quiet evening inn, wine tasting, spa dates, golfing or breakfast in bed you desire, this resort has something for everyone—and then some.

Helen, Ga

Helen is one of the lesser thought of spots, but ideal for couples who want to spend at least some time in bed and appreciate small, antique-style towns. Famous for its unique-looking shops and plazas, Helen is known and appreciated for its German inspired architecture. And if it just so happens that you’re planning on hauling the kids along, don’t miss the city’s summer fair, which boasts rides and treats. Feeling hot? Cool down at one of Helen’s greatest attractions: Helen’s Tubing and Waterpark, full of tubing rides and fun, long water slides. But wait, let’s go back. If it’s just you and your honey, there’s still plenty to do. Be sure to trop along the cobblestone streets in a horse and carriage ride or even enjoy the city’s picturesque view in a hot air balloon. Feeling hungry? Choose from a variety of cuisines and after you’re done eating to your heart’s content, walk off that fullness by enjoying a languorous stroll through the plazas and shops. If you’re looking for a relaxing, short trip filled with just the right pinch of touristy activity, Helen is just what you’re looking for.

Jekyll Island

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Love the beach, and want a piece of the shore all to yourself? Look no further—Jekyll Island was made for you. This little island in the state’s corner is a quiet piece of heaven where you can enjoy the isolated beach stretching into the Atlantic like it’s your very own. Star gaze at night, eat dinner on the pier with live jazz, and find time to ride a horse carriage through the home fronts of some of the most famous American names, like Rockefeller and J.P. Morgan. Ideal if you’re looking for an extremely affordable, quick vacation.

Summer won’t stay forever, so grab your shades, pack your bags, and enjoy that sun with your loved one while it’s still here!

3 Ways to Make Your Sure Your Relationship Stays Rock Solid

Written By: Salina Jivani of “The Great Word Nerd Blog”

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Relationships are like caring for a baby. They take time to nurture and grow and require a ton of effort to maintain. We live in times when people are intolerant of imperfections, have limited patience, and are quick to walk away without a backward glance. Realistically speaking, every person is flawed, so expecting perfection from a union of two flawed creatures is not only foolish but can also set a relationship up for failure from the onset. 

 

If you’re willing to accept your partner’s shortcomings and want to work toward deepening your connection with each other as a couple, then you’re already one giant step ahead of many others. And because it’s important you succeed, here are three (yes, only three!) basic fundamentals that must be maintained to create that rock-solid love you’re looking for.

 

Communicate

This is by far the most obvious and one of the greatest factors in establishing the framework for a successful relationship. I grew up with parents who would completely shut each other out when they got angry. Days, weeks and even months would pass without a single exchange, as they sought opportunities to demonstrate just how upset they were through cold shoulders, altered sleeping arrangements, and messages conveyed vengefully through me and my brother, which would serve their purpose by further infuriating the offended party and leading to another more vicious round of revenge.

 

When I got married at the age of 22, I practiced the same behavior with my husband. There were times he would do something that bothered me and instead of trying to talk to him, I’d give him the silent treatment, expecting him to read my mind. The first time, he didn’t understand my silent treatment and refusal to speak with him. The second time, he finally caught on and sat me down. What he said to me totally changed my outlook on what a solid relationship really means. “If you stop talking to me every time you’re upset, how will I ever know what I did wrong or understand how to correct it?” And, I realized begrudgingly, he was right. The next time I felt upset, I took heed to his advice and forced myself to swallow my pride and actually communicate (but only after he picked up on my anger signals and asked me what was wrong. I’ve got a little bit of pride to maintain, after all!). And the difference was pleasing. We actually carried on a level-headed conversation that lasted hours. And I found that I’d bottled up so much over time that a lot of my frustration had been stuck inside me, just waiting to be released. Which of course is completely unhealthy and not at all fun. 

 

Don’t get me wrong. It’s natural that right after a blow up, the last thing you want to do sometimes is redirect your frustration into calm collected communication, so it’s not a bad idea to walk away and give yourself a moment to clear your head. But once the fog has lifted, you most definitely should approach your significant other and have some calm, composed dialogue.

 

Think about what it is that angered you, how the situation could have been handled differently and what changes could be made for the future. Be sure that you give your significant other the same courtesy you respect as they share their feelings and thoughts. Lift all barriers, judgements and prejudices from your mind to make sure you’re practicing effective communication and really trying to comprehend and empathize with the feelings of your significant other.

If you’re used to giving the silent treatment, just remember that the first time will be difficult in putting your precious ego aside and actually taking that first step toward opening the lines of communication, but as is with most things, practice will make perfect and you’ll find it easier to make candid communication a natural part of your relationship.

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Go to bed mad

No, that’s not a typo—you read it right. I’ve heard it a million times—I’m sure you have too. But the phrase “Never go to bed angry” makes me want to tear my hair out one by one every single time I hear it at wedding toasts, bridal showers and even in casual conversation. In my personal relationship, I’ve always found that the later my husband and I are up trying to sort out our disagreements, the more challenging it is to understand each another and the more exhausting it is to keep trying. Why? Because after a certain point, you burn out and just need to cool down your mind.

 

And I promise once you wake up in the morning, it’s a whole other ballgame, rendering the argument from the night before insignificant, even silly (on the occasions you even remember what it is you were fighting about!).

So take that pesky saying and dare those who preach it to try this new alternative and I promise you’ll be deemed a relationship guru. Getting a good night’s sleep and giving your mind a reprieve from the tiff will buy you time to cool off, and (I bet you my entire tub of Double Chocolate Chunk) that once you wake up, you’ll be more willing, and even eager, to move past the temporary road bump in your bliss, come to an understanding, and put it all behind you like the mature adults you are.

 

Be honest

A home’s foundation is its most integral component. In the same way, the most important part of a relationship is trust. Without trust and truth your relationship’s foundation is as reliable as quicksand. It doesn’t matter if you’re the envy of every man or woman because your sig-fig always remembers your anniversary, showers you with praise, hangs on your every word and treasures you in front of the world.  Without trust, all of those attributes mean nothing. Think of it as similar to garnishing a pile of rubble with beautiful shutters, paint and stone—what’s the point of the lovely add-ons if the slab of concrete that’s to hold up the house itself is diminished? 

 

And let’s just quickly clarify that when we’re talking about being honest, we’re not talking about that occasional white lie that sneaks past everyone’s lips—because let’s face it, we all lie sometimes. However, excessive lying is a concern and certainly not okay.    

 

The truth can sometimes be difficult to tell, but it’s more than likely that admitting the truth will result in a temporary fight whereas a lie, if later detected, will create a permanent fissure in your relationship. So be wise and be true.

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In the end, nearly every defect in a relationship (aside from abuse and dishonesty) is mendable—and no matter which couple you admire, don’t fool yourself into thinking that their relationship is any less imperfect than anyone else’s. Instead of focusing on which couple you wish you could be most like, focus on practicing positive habits and cultivating your relationship to be the very best it can be. Trust me when I say: the grass really isn’t greener on the other side (it’s just that your kitchen window needs cleaning!).

3 Free Apps That Will Keep you Organized (and sane)

Written By Salina Jivani of “The Great Word Nerd” blog

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If you’re like most people, you know how difficult it can be to keep track of all the moving parts of your life: paying bills, juggling appointments and making time for the people you love. But worry not, in this digital age where “there’s an app for that,” you can rest assured there are plenty of tools out there to help you remain organized and stress-free of ever losing track of another appointment or event. So whip out your cell phones and get ready to change your lives for the better with these apps, which promise you’ll never skip another beat in the mumbo jumbo of daily life.

Evernote

Remember Everything—that’s Evernote’s tagline. And it’s exactly what this tool helps you do. For the longest time, I’d heard so much hype around this app, but it wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I actually downloaded it and realized, heck, I don’t know how I’d ever lived without it! If you’re the type of person who is constantly thinking of things that quickly need to be jotted down before they’re forgotten, this app was designed for you.

So exactly what is Evernote? It’s an app that can be used on multiple devices (desktop, cell phone, tablet) and enables you to stay organized by allowing you to save articles and images from your browser, create to-do lists, (which can be check marked once completed), manage notebooks, set reminders and even share notes or projects with others. The best part? Storage space is absolutely UNLIMITED!

As a mom, entrepreneur and writer, my mind is constantly swimming with ideas that I forget within the span of time it takes for me to twist my grocery cart from one aisle of Publix to the next. Evernote makes it possible for me to whisk out my phone, punch in whatever idea or inspiration is floating through my brain and carry on with my grocery trip without later being on the verge of rupturing a brain nerve trying to recall whatever it was that was oh so direly important.

If you get super addicted and desire added features like being able to access your notes without an internet connection, having the luxury of an online support staff, or synching your notes across multiple devices, you could consider upgrading to the Plus, Premium or Business plans.

Cozi

Don’t you just hate it when your significant other completely forgets about dinner reservations? Ever find yourself wondering whether your daughter really told you about soccer practice two weeks ago? Things really start to get complicated when you’re trying to manage multiple people’s schedules around your own. If you’ve got grown kids and a spouse to keep track of and are looking for a family-friendly app that can help your entire household stay on point, make friends with Cozi. This app allows family members to sync calendars, making it easy to keep track of everyone’s appointments, rehearsals, practices and endless commitments. Need to file away a recipe or jot a grocery list? Cozi’s perfect for those as well.

24me

Forgetful? Wish you had a personal assistant who could juggle it all and cost not a penny? Wish granted. 24me is an all-in-one, one-stop shop tool that holds your notes, to-do lists, payment due dates and calendar. Plus, it integrates with other apps like Facebook to automatically send birthday wishes to your friends on their special days (not like you’d ever forget, right?).

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So let’s see. Between these three brilliant apps, we’ve got you organized with grocery lists, recipes, bill payments, to-do lists, projects, family schedules and even birthdays. What’s left? Well…maybe one day some genius will create an app to tackle dinner and the laundry? Until then, upload these monkeys to your phone and enjoy being the beast of organization and order!

“Woman What Are You Worth?”

Written by Alesia Watley

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We have approached that time of year where love is in the air.  It’s cold outside, so we are cuddling with our “boo thangs,” and posting pictures of that feeling that he gives you, but what about those of us that don’t get that February 14th love? Instead you get that 13th or 15th phone call. Let me stop you there and pull the focus back.  As women, we look for how much a man values us through posting our status on social media, the gifts, the dinners, or even meeting his family. Reality check is needed girlfriend! Numero Uno (that’s some Spanish I learned,)  a man shouldn’t show his love for you 1 day when there is 365 days in a year. Number two you would rather a man open his heart and his mind to you than just his wallet as if you can be bought. Finally, number 3 as a woman you wear a crown that should never be tilted for anyone or anything. If a man finds you worth pursuing and worth his time, you will not have to pursue, chase, beg, or bribe him to see your worth. Ladies you are the prize and should make that man work for your glory. Make him respect your temple, because  you only get one, and most of all, respect yourself and hold yourself to a higher standard. If he is the right man for you he will strap up his boots and rise to your standards. Moral of the stories ladies, when you learn what your true worth is you will stop giving discounts!!!

This has been psych in heels delivering real talk to a real audience!!!!

Marriage and Media

Written by Alesia Watley

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Often you will hear the baby boomer generation say phrases such as “Don’t ask don’t tell”, “If you seek you shall find”, or even “As long as he is taking care of home I can’t worry about the rest”. Do you see how the dynamics of relationships have changed over the course of time? I have wondered that if social media was present or even prevalent in that era , would the women of yester years feel the way that women today feel? I do frequent my timeline on the ever popular Instagram and I have noticed that it’s all about the” show bae and I doing this,  and show him buying me that”, only to be short lived or deleted because there is another female or the ever popular acronym “THOT” #Thathoeoverthere , that shares the same stories and similar pictures as you do with the same guy.

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Let me ask you this. Would there be the battle of affection if certain aspects of one’s relationship didn’t make it to a social platform for others to judge and make a mockery out of? Have we learned nothing from our daily doses of reality show television that, the more you reveal the less you conceal? With my own 4 eyes, (two natural eyes and a pair of glasses that is,) I have seen social media ravage through marriages like Hurricane Katrina mixed with a Tsunami; I’m talking natural disaster of epic proportions. Discretion I have learned over the years is the key; the less they know the less of a platform of “accurate” information they can feed off of. Marriage is sacred, symbolic, and most of all where I come from , it’s supposed to last as long as the both of your natural lives.  It really gets messy with the creation of “Side Chicks,” and yes you know what I’m talking about. A side chick is the woman that has tailor made herself to be your husbands answer to all of his so-called woes and what he feels he is lacking at home. Ladies and gentleman I took a poll of answers from a group of men and women and they explained that the credentials of a side chick are as follows:
Occupation: Bartender, Beautician, Trap Queen, Booster, Stripper, Waitress
Hair: Usually varies in colored sequence, 20”-30”
NAILS: Stiletto or Coffin shaped and usually includes a few rhinestones and a junk nail
Items she is never seen without: Louis Vuitton Doctor Bag or Gucci Tote, Mac matte lipstick or balm, Food stamp card, Victoria Secret Pink jogging suit, a selfie a day that she uploads on Instagram that usually includes her lips protruded to resemble a duck, in her phone your husband’s name is probably saved under “Zaddy”, “Him”, or My little Secret”. I’m just as amused as you are remember the descriptions come from a group of our peers. Let’s ask ourselves this,  “Are we really mad at the side chicks and social media, or are we mad at ourselves that we allow these entities to have a leg up on our inner most thoughts and most personal moments with our love ones?

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Food for Thought: Pandora’s Box never opens itself. When we create a stimulus that attracts another person’s attention, the settlement of that desire is to explore it. When we begin to protect our inner most relationships and thoughts , we can began to worry less about an outside force wreaking havoc on what we worked hard to build.

This has been Psych in Heels dishing real life and real facts for real people!!!!!