Why You’re Really Upset With the Love of Your Life

Written by Salina Jivani

You’re in a fight with your partner, but even after they’ve apologized, you can’t seem to forgive them, get close to them…or let go of what happened. You want to make them work to earn back your attention or love. If any of this sounds familiar, you might be strangling your relationship by projecting.

What is projecting?

Projecting is an instinctive defense mechanism where you blame others for positive or negative things that happen in your life without realizing that you yourself are actually the cause of them. Projecting can be the result of a previous traumatic or terrible event in your life,  and it can destroy your ability to keep healthy relationships and leave you feeling lonely, hurt, and depressed.

How do you know you’re projecting?

People who project share a few common traits.

  • They feel they’re 100% right in every situation
  • Even the slightest disagreements leave them feeling hurt and sad
  • They feel extremely panicked and overwhelmed during an argument.

How can you stop projecting?

To stop projecting, you’ll need to take a step back and focus on you. Spend time alone journaling or listening to your thoughts. Remind yourself that they can’t always be right—there are such things assumptions and doubts that play a role in what we think. Always be honest about how you feel instead brushing off questions like “What’s wrong?” Lastly, consider investing in yourself by reading self-help books. The more aware you are about your tendency to project, the better you’ll be able to help yourself—and your relationships—stay healthy.

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